Ahmed Adoody

(After Bart gives his prank name Ahmed Adoody to Jack Bauer)

Jack Bauer: Chloe, find out all you can about Ahmed Adoody. Does anyone know Ahmed Adoody?

Chloe O'Brien: Ahmed Adoody, wealthy Saudi financier. Disappeared into Afganistan in the late '90s.

Jack Bauer: Really?

Chloe O'Brian: No Jack. it's a joke name. You're being set up!

Jack Bauer: Dammit!
-- "24 Minutes" (JABF14), The Simpsons (2007)

Lisa's Opinion of the Cooders

I was wrong about the Cooders, Dad. They're the nicest of all the transients you've ever brought home.
-- Lisa Simpson, on the Cooders, "Bart Carny" (5F08), The Simpsons (1998)

Call Hancock An A-Hole One More Time...

Bank Robber: I will blow up this entire bulding, you asshole.

Hancock: I really don't like that word.

Bank Robber: I will blow them sky-high and their blood wil be on your hands. Do you hear me asshole?

Hancock: Call me an asshole one more time.
-- Hancock (2008)

Lisa's Letter From Kamp Krusty

Dear Mom and Dad, I no longer fear Hell, because I've been to Kamp Krusty. Our nature hikes hve come grim death marches. Our arts and crafts center is, in acutuality, a Dickensian workhouse. Bart makes it through the days relying on his unwavering belief that Krusty the Clown will come through. But I am far more pessimistic. I am not sure if this letter will reach you as our lines of communication have been cut. Now, the effort of writing has made me lightheaded. So I close by saying, SAVE US! SAVE US NOW!
-- Lisa Simpson, "Kamp Krusty" (8F24), The Simpsons (1992)

Skinner's Prank Balloon Curse

Oh, it won't come down for months. Curse the man who invented helium. Curse Pierre Jules Cesar Janssen!
-- Seymour Skinner, after trying to catch the prank balloon, "Bart's Comet" (2F11), The Simpsons (1995)

Penn & Teller on Magic and The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Ladies and gentlemen, we'd like to take a momemt, if we may, to talk about a little something we like to refer to as magic. Picture this: you're at home hosting a birthday party for you daughter, and you just shelled out 50 bucks so some pathetic loser can pull a mangy rabbit out of a flea market hat. At first you might wonder to yourself, "How did he do that?" But then you would just dismiss it as some sort of a trick. And you know something? You'd be right! It's just a trick. It's an example of what we laughingly refer to as stage magic. We're here to tell you that all stage magic is a fraud, a hoax, a sham. It's all based on deception and, yep, lying. Sleight of hand... lies! Transformations... fraud! Dismemberment... ripoff! Fake! All are illusions. What we're here to talk about is real magic. We're gonna bring on a guy now who's the real deal, the genuine article. In fact, he taught us everything we know. And he is featured prominently in the next sequence from the original Fantasia, The Sorcerer's Apprentice. You know, come to think of it, The Sorcerer's Apprentic is a little guy who never speaks up and just kind of messes everything up like him.
-- Penn & Teller, Fantasia 2000 (2000)

The "Fingers Are Too Fat" Phone Recording

The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the key pad with your palm now.
-- The phone recording, when Homer tries to dial the power plant with his fat fingers, "King-Size Homer" (3F05), The Simpsons (1995)

Ralph's Funny Response to his Academic Alert

Me fail English? That's unpossible.
-- Ralph Wiggum, finding out on his Academic Alert that he is failing English, "Lisa On Ice" (2F05), The Simpsons (1994)

Bart Simpson's T-Shirt Slogans

Check out the cool t-shirt slogans from Bart Simpson:
"Adults Suck, Then You Are One"

"Life Ends at Ten"

"Bored in the USA"

"This Shirt Sucks"

"Everything Sucks"

"Sucking Sucks"

"I've Puked More Beer Than You've Drunk"

"Impeach Everybody"

"Think Globally, Fart Locally"

"Weapon of Ass Destruction"

"My Other T-Shirt Is Also a Joke T-Shirt"

"Pobody's Sherfect, Nithead"<

"I ♥ ♥attacks"

"Jews for Jebus"

"Body by Oreo"

"If You Can Read This the Backpack Fell Off"

"Don't Blame Me, I Voted for Scooby Doo"

"I'm Not Getting Older, I'm Getting Bitter"

"Wish You Were Beer"

"America's Least Wanted"

"Top of the Dude Chain"

"Stop World Hunger, Eat My Shorts"

"Rich Bitch"

"I'm Not Fat, I'm Enormous"
-- From "Fat Man and Little Boy" (FABF21), The Simpsons (2004)

Doc Emmett Brown's Letter from 1885

Dear Marty,

If my calculations are correct, you will receive this letter immediately after you saw the DeLorean struck by lightning. First, let me assure you that I am alive and well. I've been living happily the last nine months in the year 1885. The lightning bolt that hit the DeLorean caused a gigawatt overload, which scrambled the time circuits, activated the Flux Capacitor and sent me back to 1885.

The overload shorted out the time circuits and destroyed the flying circuits. Unfortunately, the car will never fly again. I set myself up as a blacksmith as a front, while I attempted to repair the damage to the time circuits. Unfortunately, this proved impossible because suitable replacement parts will not be invented until 1947. However, I've gotten quite adept at shoeing horses and fixing wagons.

I have buried the DeLorean in the abandoned Delgado Mine adjacent to the Old Boot Hill Cemetary as shown on the enclosed map. Hopefully it should remain undisturbed and preserved until you recover it in 1955. Inside you will find repair instructions. My 1955 counterpart should have no problem repairing it so that you can drive it back to the future. Once you have returned to 1985, destroy the time machine.

Do not, I repeat, do not attempt to come back to get me. I am perfectly happy living in the fresh air and wide open spaces. And I fear that unneccessary time travel only risks further disruption of the space-time continuum. And please take care of Einstein for me.

I know you will give him a good home. Remember to walk him twice a day and that he only likes canned dog food. These are my wishes. Please respect them and follow them.

And so, Marty, I now say farewell and wish you Godspeed. You've been a good, kind and loyal friend to be, and you made a real difference in my life. I will always treasure our relationship and think on you with fond memories, warm feelings and a special place in my heart.

Your friend in time,
Doc Emmett L. Brown
September 1st, 1885
-- Emmett L. Brown, Back to the Future, Part III (1990)

What Homer Said To Godfrey Jones

From "Homer: Badman" (2F06), The Simpsons (1994)
Somebody had to take the babysitter home. Then I noticed she was sitting on the gummy Venus, so I grabbed it off her. Just thinking about that sweet, sweet candy... I just wish I had another one right now!
-- Homer Simpson to Godfrey Jones

Somebody had to take the babysitter home. Then I noticed she was sitting on (*) her (*) sweet can. (*) I grabbed (*) her (*) sweet can. (*) Oh, just thinking about (*) her (*) can (*) I just wish I had (*) her (*) her (*) sweet (*) sweet (*) s-s-s-sweet (*) can.
-- Homer Simpson's statement, "Rock Bottom" version

The Epitaph on Dr. Emmett Brown's Tombstone

Shot in the back by Buford Tannen over a matter of eighty dollars. Erected in eternal memory by beloved Clara.
-- On the tombstone of Dr. Emmett Brown, Back To The Future, Part III (1990)

Weird Al's Simpsons End Credits Song Lyrics

That's the story 'bout Homer and Marge,
Two folks I helped out for a nominal charge,
After Homer went gay, they patched up their schism,
But the dude never dealt with his alcoholism!
"Weird Al" say a...
Oh yeah, the credits go on,
Long after the viewer's interest is gone.
Oh yeah, "Weird Al" had fun on this show,
Even if it was just a brief cameo!
-- Weird Al Yankovic, "Three Gays of the Condo" (EABF12), The Simpsons (2003)