Lurleen Lumpkin Quotes: Your Wife Don't Understand You

Your wife don't understand you,
But I do.
No, your wife don't understand you,
But I do.
I said no one understands you,
But I do.
-- Lurleen Lumpkin, singing Your Wife Don't Understand You, "Colonel Homer" (8F19), The Simpsons (1992)

Songs of Sadgasm 3: "Margerine"

Spread yellow gunk
On my pancake heart
Country-churned girl
in my grocery cart
I paid for her dreams.
She taught me to cry.
Like watery knives,
like rain from my eyes.
I can't believe you're not mine.
I can't believe you're not mine.
Margerine
Margerine
Margerine
Margerine
Margerine
-- Sadgasm "Margerine", "That 90's Show" (KABF04), The Simpsons (2008)

Songs of Sadgasm: "Politically Incorrect"

Pain is brown.
Hate is white.
Love is black.
Stab the night.
Kingdom of numb.
Closet of hurt.
Feelings are dumb.
Kisses are dirt.
-- Sadgasm "Politically Incorrect", "That 90's Show" (KABF04), The Simpsons (2008)

Homer's Near Forgetfulness of Valentine's Day

(Marge hands out plate of bacon and eggs spelling "I love you")

Marge Simpson: And this is for my huggy-bug, in honor of this special day.

Homer Simpson: (thinking) Special day? Oh, what have I forgotten now? Now, don't panic. Is it Bacon Day? Oh, that's crazy talk! She's getting impatient. Take a stab at it! (out loud) Happy... Valentine's Day.

Marge Simpson: Oh, thank you, dear!

Homer Simpson: Woo-hoo!
-- "I Love Lisa" (9F13), The Simpsons (1993)

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, EVERYBODY

Homer on Stupid Risks

Stupid risks are what make life worth living. Now your mother, she's the steady type and that's fine in small doses, but me, I'm a risktaker. That's why I have so many adventures!
-- Homer Simpson, "Lost Our Lisa" (5F17), The Simpsons (1998)

Lisa's Letter From Kamp Krusty

Dear Mom and Dad, I no longer fear Hell, because I've been to Kamp Krusty. Our nature hikes hve come grim death marches. Our arts and crafts center is, in acutuality, a Dickensian workhouse. Bart makes it through the days relying on his unwavering belief that Krusty the Clown will come through. But I am far more pessimistic. I am not sure if this letter will reach you as our lines of communication have been cut. Now, the effort of writing has made me lightheaded. So I close by saying, SAVE US! SAVE US NOW!
-- Lisa Simpson, "Kamp Krusty" (8F24), The Simpsons (1992)

Weird Al's Simpsons End Credits Song Lyrics

That's the story 'bout Homer and Marge,
Two folks I helped out for a nominal charge,
After Homer went gay, they patched up their schism,
But the dude never dealt with his alcoholism!
"Weird Al" say a...
Oh yeah, the credits go on,
Long after the viewer's interest is gone.
Oh yeah, "Weird Al" had fun on this show,
Even if it was just a brief cameo!
-- Weird Al Yankovic, "Three Gays of the Condo" (EABF12), The Simpsons (2003)

Homer's Statement on NBC

I'd like to read the following statement, but I do so under-- (gun cocks) -- under my own free will. It has come to my attention that NBC sucks. I apologize for misleading you and urge you to watch as many Fox show as possible. So, in summary, NBC bad, Fox good... CBS great.
-- Homer Simpson, delivering the statement at the closing credits, "Marge Simpson in: 'Screaming Yellow Honkers'" (AABF10), The Simpsons (1999)

Homer's Movie Parody Quote FTW

Look Marge, you don't know what it's like - I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freaking system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that used to be your best friend's face, you'll know what to do! Forget it, Marge, it's Chinatown!
-- Homer Simpson, "Secrets of a Successful Marriage" (1F20), The Simpsons (1994)

Homer's New Order of the Family

Hmm, I can see the house is falling apart without me, so here's the new order: Bart, you're the man of the house; Lisa, I'm promoting you to boy; Maggie's now the brainy girl; the toaster can fill in for Maggie; and Marge, you're a consultant.
-- Homer Simpson, through Ham Radio, "Missionary Impossible" (BABF11), The Simpsons (2000)