Bart's Chalkboard Gags of Season 1

From The Simpsons, Season One (1990):

I will not waste chalk. -- "Bart the Genius" (7G02), 1/14/1990

I will not skateboard in the halls. -- "Homer's Odessey" (7G03), 1/21/1990

I will not burp in class. -- "There's No Disgrace Like Home" (7G04), 1/28/1990

I will not instigate revolution. -- "Moaning Lisa" (7G06), 2/11/1990

I will not draw naked ladies in class. -- "The Call of the Simpsons" (7G09), 2/18/1990

I did not see Elvis. -- "The Telltale Head" (7G07), 2/25/1990

I will not call my teacher "hot cakes". -- "Homer's Night Out" (7G10), 3/25/1990

Garlic gum is not funny. -- "The Crepes of Wrath" (7G13), 4/15/1990

They are laughing at me, not with me. -- "Krusty Gets Busted" (7G12), 4/29/1990

I will not yell "fire" in a crowded classroom. -- "Some Enchanted Evening" (7G01), 5/13/1990

Party Posse Tunes 4: "Let's Re-Up Tonight"

Milhouse Van Houten: Had a girl in every port
From here to Barcelona.

Nelson Muntz: But now I'm docked in Springfield,
And, girl, I'm gonna phone ya.

Ralph Wiggum: Stormed a lot of beaches,
But you're the one that I missed.

Bart Simpson: Let's get back together, girl!
Let's re-enlist!

Party Posse: So sign me up for a hitch of love.
Recruit my heart.
Four sweet years of love...
Let's march all day
And clean latrines all night.
Don't bust me down.
Let's re-up tonight!
Let's re-up tonight!
-- Party Posse "Let's Re-Up Tonight", "New Kids on the Blecch" (CABF12), The Simpsons (2001)

Party Posse Tunes 3: "Drop Da Bomb"

Party Posse: Oh, say can you rock?

Milhouse Van Houten: There's trouble in a far-off nation.

Ralph Wiggum: Time to get in love formation.

Bart Simpson: Your love's more deadly than Saddam.

Nelson Muntz: That's why I've got to drop da bomb.
-- Party Posse "Drop Da Bomb", "New Kids On The Blecch" (CABF12), The Simpsons (2001)

Party Posse Tunes 2: "Spell Out What You Mean To Me"

Bart Simpson: I saw you last night at the spelling bee.

Milhouse Van Houten: I knew right then it was L-U-V.

Nelson Muntz: I gotta spell out what you mean to me.

Ralph Wiggum: 'Cause I can no longer be... a silent 'G'.

Party Posse: I've gotta spell out what...

Ralph Wiggum: I gotta spell out what...

Party Posse: I've gotta spell out what you mean to me.
-- Party Posse "Spell Out What You Mean To Me", "New Kids On The Bleech" (CABF12), The Simpsons (2001)

Party Posse Tunes: "Special Girl"

Party Posse: Party Posse, we rule the Earth.
The greatest band since music's birth.

Mulhouse Van Houten: We love to sweat, and we love to sing.

Nelson Muntz: We're real funky but nonthreatening.

Ralph Wiggum: We're the best band in the world.

Bart Simpson: But we'd give it all up for that special girl.

Party Posse: You're my special girl.

Nelson Muntz: Special girl!

Party Posse: You're my special girl.

Nelson Muntz: Only you.
-- Party Posse "Special Girl", "New Kids On The Blecch" (CABF12), The Simpsons (2001)

Moe's "Stupid Moron..." Prank Call

Hey everybody! I'm a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my butt smells and I like to kiss my own butt.
-- Moe Szyslak, being prank called by Bart Simpson "Treehouse of Horror II" (8F02), The Simpsons (1991)

Ahmed Adoody

(After Bart gives his prank name Ahmed Adoody to Jack Bauer)

Jack Bauer: Chloe, find out all you can about Ahmed Adoody. Does anyone know Ahmed Adoody?

Chloe O'Brien: Ahmed Adoody, wealthy Saudi financier. Disappeared into Afganistan in the late '90s.

Jack Bauer: Really?

Chloe O'Brian: No Jack. it's a joke name. You're being set up!

Jack Bauer: Dammit!
-- "24 Minutes" (JABF14), The Simpsons (2007)

Lisa's Letter From Kamp Krusty

Dear Mom and Dad, I no longer fear Hell, because I've been to Kamp Krusty. Our nature hikes hve come grim death marches. Our arts and crafts center is, in acutuality, a Dickensian workhouse. Bart makes it through the days relying on his unwavering belief that Krusty the Clown will come through. But I am far more pessimistic. I am not sure if this letter will reach you as our lines of communication have been cut. Now, the effort of writing has made me lightheaded. So I close by saying, SAVE US! SAVE US NOW!
-- Lisa Simpson, "Kamp Krusty" (8F24), The Simpsons (1992)

Skinner's Prank Balloon Curse

Oh, it won't come down for months. Curse the man who invented helium. Curse Pierre Jules Cesar Janssen!
-- Seymour Skinner, after trying to catch the prank balloon, "Bart's Comet" (2F11), The Simpsons (1995)

Bart Simpson's T-Shirt Slogans

Check out the cool t-shirt slogans from Bart Simpson:
"Adults Suck, Then You Are One"

"Life Ends at Ten"

"Bored in the USA"

"This Shirt Sucks"

"Everything Sucks"

"Sucking Sucks"

"I've Puked More Beer Than You've Drunk"

"Impeach Everybody"

"Think Globally, Fart Locally"

"Weapon of Ass Destruction"

"My Other T-Shirt Is Also a Joke T-Shirt"

"Pobody's Sherfect, Nithead"<

"I ♥ ♥attacks"

"Jews for Jebus"

"Body by Oreo"

"If You Can Read This the Backpack Fell Off"

"Don't Blame Me, I Voted for Scooby Doo"

"I'm Not Getting Older, I'm Getting Bitter"

"Wish You Were Beer"

"America's Least Wanted"

"Top of the Dude Chain"

"Stop World Hunger, Eat My Shorts"

"Rich Bitch"

"I'm Not Fat, I'm Enormous"
-- From "Fat Man and Little Boy" (FABF21), The Simpsons (2004)

EPIC Bart's Prank Call FAIL: Hugh Jass

Bart Simpson: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass, first name Hugh.

Moe Szyslak: Hold on, I'll check. (to the crowd) Hugh Jass. Oh, somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass.

(Man appears)

Hugh Jass: Uh, I'm Hugh Jass.

Moe Szyslak: Telephone. (hands phone to Hugh)

Hugh Jass: Hello, this is Hugh Jass.

Bart Simpson: Uh, hi.

Hugh Jass: Who's this?

Bart Simpson: Bart Simpson.

Hugh Jass: What can I do for you, Bart?

Bart Simpson: Uh, look, I'll level with you, mister. This is a crank call that sorta backfired, and I'd like to bail out right now.

Hugh Jass: All right. Better luck next time.
-- "Flaming Moe's" (8F08), The Simpsons (1991)

Bart's Prank Call Fail: Ollie Tabooger

Homer Simpson: (answers phone) Yello?

Bart Simpson: Um yeah, I'd like to speak to a Mr. Tabooger. First name Ollie.

Homer Simpson: Ooo Bart! My first prank phone call! What do I do?

Bart Simpson: Just as if anyone knows Ollie Tabooger.

Homer Simpson: I don't get it.

Bart Simpson: Yell out, "I'll eat a booger."

Homer Simpson: What's the gag?

Bart Simpson: Oh, forget it! (hangs up phone)
-- "Homer the Moe" (CABF20), The Simpsons (2001)

A Christmas Letter from the Simpson Family

Dear Friends of the Simpsons Family,

We had some sadness and some gladness this year. First, the sadness: our little cat Snowball was unexpectedly run over and went to Kitty Heaven. But we brought a new little cat, Snowball II, so I guess life goes on. Speaking of life going on, Grampa is still with us, feisty as ever, Maggie is walking by herself, Lisa got straight A's, and Bart, well, we love Bart. The magic of the season has touched us all. Homer Sends his love.

Happy Holidays,
The Simpsons
-- "Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire" (7G08), The Simpsons (1989)

Homer's New Order of the Family

Hmm, I can see the house is falling apart without me, so here's the new order: Bart, you're the man of the house; Lisa, I'm promoting you to boy; Maggie's now the brainy girl; the toaster can fill in for Maggie; and Marge, you're a consultant.
-- Homer Simpson, through Ham Radio, "Missionary Impossible" (BABF11), The Simpsons (2000)